if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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