I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
