I want to make a zoo with you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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