I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
