What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
