She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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