This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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