you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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