I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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