it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
