its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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