got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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