my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
