It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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