i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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