I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
