she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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