you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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