Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
