There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
