I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
