She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best revenge is premature balding
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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