My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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