I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
