ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
