roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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