therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
