I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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