Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
