oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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