dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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