I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
