people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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