just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
