so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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