ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
