I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
