Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
