Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
