My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
