You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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