other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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