ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
