I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
