I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
