just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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