We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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