How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
