Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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