I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
