woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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