no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
