My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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